17 Signs to Help You Spot a Narcissist

I know the word narcissist is thrown around a lot but with a true narcissist, a person with narcissistic personality disorder, we're not talking about someone who is just vain, but someone who can do you real harm and can leave your life in shambles.  Your experience with a true narcissist is likely to be a bad one, especially during the discard phase.  I've had my own experience with a narcissist, but I'll save the details for a future post because I'd like to focus on how to spot a narcissist and protect yourself.  Below are some of the signs that he (or she) is a narcissist:

1. Self centered-it's all about them
2. No remorse for their wrong doings
3. Doesn't care about consequences of their actions-engages in risky behavior
4. No empathy-insensitive to others
5. No real values
6. Pathological lying (sometimes mixed in with the truth to make it hard to distinguish & they are typically good liars having had a lot of practice)
7. Lies about even little things when it would've been easier to tell the truth
8. Controls or tries to control you
9. Hangs on to resentment
10. Blames you/others-nothing is their fault
11. Has little to no conscience
12. Has a Secret life-hides money, other relationships, etc.
13. Tries to make you dependent on them for control reasons
14. Manipulates you/others to meet their needs
15. Gaslights you-a form of psychological abuse that manipulates you into doubting yourself.  For example: doubting your own memory,  your perception of things, and even your sanity.
16. Love bombs you by lavishing attention on you (like constant compliments) and trying to move the relationship forward too quickly.
17. Mirrors you by pretending as if they are like you (copying your attitudes, the way you talk, etc.)

Remember they also put on a convincing front of being a good person by acting kind and caring when it suits them, usually to manipulate you and other people.  This isn't a comprehensive list, if you feel you may be dealing with a narcissist educate yourself as much as possible.  Pay attention to red flags and your intuition. Love bombing and moving a relationship at lightening speed are big red flags.  Make sure you create healthy boundaries for yourself.  Really taking the time to get to know someone is important, anyone can put forth their best behavior in the beginning.